Online dating large and lovely
We have high expecations too soon, or of the wrong people, and then, once we see that our expectations are not getting met, we whine about it, but settle anyway. Having high expectations like, “I will be respected,” comes under “Values” in #10) 4. If you are OK within yourself then you can be far more discerning with whom you choose to date. You are simply dating because you would like to meet someone that you can enjoy. A love addict has to be on constant alert of his or her personal motives. Attraction, chemistry, passion, flirtiness–those things are fine and good and all.
But there’s a simple formula for expectations: we can only have high expectations of people who are healthy enough, interested enough and capable of meeting our expectations. You didn’t go on this date “expecting” for a second or third date. Know the difference between dating and desperation. If you feel a void within you, you may pick and choose prospective dates for the wrong reasons. But they can’t shake a stick at something called values. If you don’t know your values, how can you know if someone else’s values are right for you?
You see, understanding the concept of expectations is probably a love addict’s biggest hurdle. Or do you hate your life because it’s missing a soulmate? Knowing what is driving your desire to date can have a huge impact on WHO YOU CHOOSE to date. You’re not dating out of need or desperation to fill a void.
If you’re talking about black being a culture, you may be on to something. I wrote this piece because I thought there were/are women out there in the digi-sphere who need to know that there are (kinda) handsome, (kinda) bright men out here who really dig them. But, when a curvier woman can fight that mess, and still remain hot on her terms, that’s unbelievably cool and rock ‘n roll level sexy in my book.
Mainstream media can be cruel to women who are heavier.
For his complex but lovely discussion of the subject, see here.
" like attractiveness or physical fitness, tend to follow the second pattern: Everyone prefers hotter, fitter people, but hot, fit people show a stronger preference for people like them.